If there’s one thing that’s all but universal when it comes to chicks and relationships, it’s drama. I don’t know a single guy, including myself, who’s ever had a drama-free relationship. You can mediate it and lessen it with relationship management skills, but it’s always there, bubbling under the surface and bursting forth every now and then. A lot of guys in the pickup community think that women LIKE drama, and that’s why they create it.
But the fact is, women aren’t men. They don’t sit there thinking, "Hmm, what can I do for fun today? I’m kinda bored. I know, I’ll create some drama!" Drama is, rather, a natural result of the relationship frame. You see, whether her man is an über-dominant alpha male or a passive pushover, he is still HER man, and until she leaves him completely, she looks to him to provide what she wants and needs from the relationship. And there is ALWAYS something she wants or needs that she isn’t getting – hence, drama.
I tend to think of romantic relationships as similar to parent-child relationships. Both love each other, and share many of the same, mutual goals. But both parties do tend to have a few conflicting goals. When the parent doesn’t get what he wants, he imposes punishments of various kinds to remind his daughter who is in charge and who needs to be respected. When the child doesn’t get what she wants, she pouts and complains and whines because she cannot FORCE her father to give her what she wants, and this is the next best way to do it – she has to hope he will give in – in effect though, she is still recognizing his power over her, because all she can do is HOPE that he will give in. He is the one who actually does or doesn’t. In a relationship, the man is like the father, and the woman is like the daughter. Even if he is weak, the man is still the man, and he holds the reins of the relationship.
So what do women want from men? It varies. Here are some typical kinds of men and what women want from them:
• Secure, dominant male. Almost all of the woman’s needs are met, and she respects his authority because he is consistent and just in his approach to her and the relationship. Her needs are met and she knows what to expect from him. Drama is least frequent in this kind of relationship, and is reserved only for extreme situations when she feels desperate for something (like marriage, children, or exclusivity). These are the men women refer to as “great guys” and are fairly rare in general.
• Insecure, dominant male. The woman’s needs for a strong man are met, and this provides a lot of value to her. His mistreatment of her makes her feel bad and confused ("Why does he treat me this way?"), so she gives him drama in the form of taking out pent up hurt feelings or asking him why he treats her so bad. What she wants from him is to remain dominant, yet treat her better. The trait that detracts from his value and incites drama here is his insecurity: secure males don’t put negativity on others regularly, so he is displaying his insecurities via his mistreatment of her.
• Secure, non - dominant male. The woman knows he’s a great catch, and may be on the road to becoming the secure, dominant male someday. Basically, he’s a guy with "potential". He lacks relationship experience however, and what she wants from him is for him to step up, be a man, and lead. She will give him drama until he becomes more dominant and assertive. The trait that detracts from his value and incites drama in this instance is his non-dominance: it makes him seem less experienced, less strong/manly, and somewhat less desirable because of it.
• Insecure, non - dominant male. The worst kind, comes in two flavors: jerks and nice guys. Both guys often have a lot of love-hate for women and feel bitter towards them (though not always). Jerks treat women like trash, but in a weak way. Passive aggressive-ism is common here. Nice guys are just way too nice, and let women get away with anything. What women want from both of these guys is to man up, LEAD, and treat them like human beings and not enemies or goddess-princesses. Women get very frustrated, very quick with these guys, and they will give tons and tons of drama to them, hoping that the man will put them in their place in a kind, fair way (though he hardly ever does). Sadly, a large number of men fall into this category.
Anyway, that’s a quick rundown. Basically, if she’s giving you drama, it’s almost always because she’s found a chink in your armor. She’s found somewhere that you aren’t being a secure, dominant male and she wants you to fix it. Just as little kids will whine and complain to get what they want if they sense you will give in to them or if you aren’t being fair (if you become inconsistent and/or deviate from precedence).
Note that you can usually expect drama early in a relationship as a girl feels you out, unless you make it totally abundantly clear from the outset what the relationship will be like and what your expectations for her are. It’s a natural process, as she discovers over a few months that you are different from the other guys she’s dated, and cements that impression of you into her brain.
Of course, women are fascinated by drama too. Stories about drama always satisfying their need for gossip and intrigue quite nicely - it allows them to find out more about their peer group. The flavor of drama a man gets from a woman, and how he deals with it, says a lot about the man - moreso about the man receiving the drama than the woman giving the drama, usually. Thus, having such stories relayed to them gives the female listeners an edge in calculating everyone’s (especially the males’) social ranking and value.
