dating, pick up artistApril 10, 2008 10:22 pm

The Awesome Power of Social Value

Of Alphas and Men

Chimpanzees are fiercely dominant and territorial.  There’s one alpha male who gets to have sex with pretty much everyone.  All the other males have to stay out of his way, if they’re even allowed to HANG OUT with the group.

It’s not unusual for the alpha male to literally squeeze the testicles off of a challenger.  Out of respect for the victims, I’m foregoing all ball-busting jokes here.

If you’re a female chimp, who do you think you’re going to wind up going for?  The alpha, who’ll at least take care of the group, or Mr. Soon-to-be-Castrated, who even if he has sex with you and gets you pregnant, those kids’ll just be killed by the alpha when they’re born?

The nature of the chimp selects those having sex with the alpha.  Eventually –with human rationalizing when you get to us – you go from HAVING to have sex with him to WANTING to.

Nice to know that we humans aren’t the only screwed-up things on the planet.

That sets the stage.

Of Orgies and Men

But then there’s also the bonobo monkey, a lesser-known primate that’s almost as close to us as chimps.  And these guys play with different rules.

They aren’t violent, for the most part.  They live in a matriarchal society, and there really ISN’T an alpha system like elsewhere in nature.  Instead, female bonobo have sex in exchange for protection and provisions.

Sometimes bonobo are literally having sex with the males holding bananas in their hands, promising to hand them over once they get their rocks off.

Sound familiar?

So which way are we programmed?  Both ways.

Women are turned on by dominant alpha men.  It triggers their lust, from all the THOUSANDS of years that women have had sex with dominant men.

And women are also turned on by men who can provide.  It triggers their nesting instinct, their need for security and protection and, um, food.

The bonobo have a problem though.  When you live in a world where women want monogamy AND it’s matriarchal AND gives a rational choice to the women about sex, merely showing yourself a provider isn’t going to work often.

The bonobo have sex all the time with everyone, so it can work.

How’s it all translate to us?

Humans don’t, so you wind up in a courtship that lasts months or years, with a woman who can always choose another provider.  You aren’t triggering her emotion, but her logic, as a bonobo male.

Plus, most women aren’t walking around hungry for a banana.  If only it were that easy.

The chimp alpha system, however, isn’t logical.  It’s primal.  Emotional.  And the underlying understanding of chimp society is women don’t have the choice.

They NEED to have sex with the alpha.

When you get to the complex level of humans, this need becomes ATTRACTION.

Alright, let’s bring it home.

If the thousands of years of evolution have conspired to make women attracted to dominant males, how do WE become that?

Aside from castrating others I mean.

CREATE social value in yourself

Believe it or not, the process is pretty simple.  And it all starts with relaxed confidence.  Remaining playful because you’re comfortable in your skin.  Secure in yourself.

Outside signs can be created, as well.  Become friendly with doormen, get to the point where you can say “Hey Jimmy” and walk past the throngs and through the velvet rope at a few clubs.

Get to know maitre-des who can bring you in through the kitchen to a table reserved at a hot hard-to-enter restaurant.

Sound hard to do?  It’s not – it just takes a little friendliness to the right people.  Become friends with them, and you get the preferential treatment that says you’re an alpha.

When you’re in a group, remember that YOUR opinion is the one that matters most.

That’s where a lot of people get messed up – they think the alpha has to be the focal point, because he often is.

THAT’S not the key, though.  Try too hard, and you come off as an insecure attention starved spotlight hog.  The point isn’t to be the LOUDEST or to say the MOST, but to have the trend-setting opinion, which starts with believing in yourself.  And NOT caring if others follow – they will, but not if they feel you forcing them.

If a scene-stealer comes in and tries to ruin your game, a simple eye roll and relocation – “Let’s go get a drink.” – is MUCH more powerful than entering into a limelight fight.  It says you’re confident, in control of the situation, AND in a position of power, from which you can communicate “This is no fun, let’s find something that is.”  You LEAD.  People will follow.

And you don’t have to maim a soul.

A LITTLE arrogance can communicate that power as well, much better than some Neanderthal brawl.

So how do you compete with the famous, and trigger the lust that their power does?

Make Your Circle

You create a circle within which YOU are a star.  You get the good table and the chef comes to it and makes off-the-menu dishes.  The DJ requests a request from you.  And your friends reinforce the aura of importance that travels around with you.

If you’re starting from scratch, it can take awhile to build a complete circle.  Once it’s there, though, women will respond to it.  POWERFULLY.

There’s nothing like being popular to increase popularity.

And the little ball busting you do is of the non-violent, playful variety.

From there, getting to WANT to translate your social value into sexual action is a MUCH simpler step.  ACT powerful, and you BECOME powerful.  And power on a man is sexy.

Derek Vitalio

 

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seduction 10:19 pm

The Steps To Seduction Revealed

The Steps

Here I concretely lay out what we’ve covered to this point – a step-by-step guide from meeting a lady to getting her in your bed.  Follow these steps religiously and you’ll do tons better than the guy thinking “God I want to sleep with HER!”  Guaranteed.

Where are we?

By now we’ve talked a number of times about the STEPS approach, how you need to focus not on bringing a woman home, but instead on going one further step down the path that will lead to intimacy.

Still, we haven’t specifically listed each step – and some we haven’t even specifically stated.  So before we unleash your new crazy powerful skills upon the world, let’s make sure you know the path you want to walk.

 The First Step

Have your place READY for a lady.
This doesn’t mean you need some insane Daddy Mac love pad with the potion of seduction enveloping every little item and cranny.  What this DOES mean is you need your place presentable at every moment.

When you step out the door, is it dirty?  Do you have old socks or pizza boxes hanging around?  Would you bring a girl back to your pad, given its current state?

If the answer is no, you need to work on that spatial hygiene.  Now you don’t need to be able to eat off the floor, but you do need your bathroom to NOT repel with its smell, your floor to be visible, and your general organization to be a cut above the mad professor.

Go too far and you look a bit like a neat freak – but that’s miles better than looking like a slob.  The worst stereotype about neat men is they aren’t interested in ladies – and hopefully, you’ll be able to prove to your targeted woman that isn’t true within a few moments.

However, if you manage to elicit a lady’s disgust factor (and everyone has theirs triggered by different things – although generally, the closer you get to the toilet, the higher the risk) you can ruin a night’s worth of work.  Nothing like having your place be a deal-breaker.

So, take the time.  Keep it clean.  Always.  You never know when opportunity will present itself.  Be a boy scout and be ready.

Even better, have your showcase skill or some other interesting object(s) in easy view.  If you play guitar, don’t keep it in a closet, but set it up in your main room or bedroom in plain view.  If you want to bring a woman over to “look at art” have the art book handy and displayed.

In other words, have the bait you’re using to lure to your lair in easy reach.  When you arrive to show off that new CD, it looks more natural and genuine if it isn’t in the bottom of a drawer.  If you want to show off your photo skills (one of my favorites), have your camera ready to go.

This isn’t rocket science.  Just have a place that wouldn’t threaten anyone – and hopefully lends itself to playfulness and interest – and keep it that way.  Easy.  Still, plenty of people forget this, end a night prematurely because they aren’t ready to entertain, and never get another chance.  Just don’t do that.

Be Clean in Every Way

Take care of your own hygiene.  You’d be surprised how often bad breath is the deal-breaker.  In fact, an offending smell is one of the most unattractive things known to humanity.  Chances are at some time or other in your own past it ended what would have been a beneficial connection.

So, considering we lose any sense or our own scent very quickly, it’s best to play it safe.  Assume you smell awful, and take the necessary precautions.  Brush teeth twice.  Bring along some sort of breath saver (I like the film ones because they’re small and make no noise in pockets).  If you sweat, wash, and if you can’t wash, deodorize.

Cheap aftershave – used in MODERATION – can be a godsend.

As far as fashion goes, you don’t need to be straight off a Paris runway.  In fact, unless you have talent in this area, simple is the best way to keep it.  A nice pair of chinos and a plain black shirt is PLENTY as long as you wear it with confidence.

Flashier things can you some attention, but before you put them on you want to be sure it isn’t the wrong kind.  Simple is fine.  Really.  Just look clean and fresh and you’ll have no problems.

Carry around an odor and stains and no matter how cool you are, your social value takes a dive and you’re cutting yourself off from most women (hot granolas excepted).

Create the Attraction

Be playful and fun and extend your meeting.  This can mean getting a number or email, shifting your locale, or any of a million other things.  The main purpose here is NOT to bring a woman to bed, but merely to ATTRACT her.  All you need be concerned with is getting her interested enough that she wants to spend more time with you.

Best to do it with your relaxed and playful attitude, but if time is short, you can get a number with little more than confident politeness.  Don’t worry about what comes later.  Just get her into you to begin.

Lead her somewhere - together

Change locations.  This can happen at the same time, or at a later date.  This is where your scene-shifting skills come into play, where the fact that you are somewhere TOGETHER is both natural and enjoyable.  If things are going well at this point you can shift quickly into physical contact, but at the least you should start introducing familiarities like hand-holding and relaxed (unpervy) touching.  You’re building to a later point here, so don’t try to take more than is being offered – you’ll get turned down and likely lose a number of points, digging yourself a deep hole.

Just concentrate on establishing and strengthening your connection here.  Again, that should be your ONLY GOAL.  If want you really want is to sleep with this girl, fine.  That comes later.

Don’t be the shortstop who looks where the throw’s supposed to go and misses the ground ball.  Stay focused on your contact with the lady.  The rest will follow successfully.

Get private

Now you’ve established contact, and the lady is into you.  What do you do?  BRING HER HOME.  Her place or yours – whichever works with the seed you’ve created earlier (Have you heard the new Coldplay album?)  Once you get her there, don’t rush things – she’s already basically said she’s interested in going further, but push too fast and you’ll turn her off and undo all the good you did earlier.

Instead, take your time here.  In fact, if you wait just a little bit longer than she’s comfortable with – or play hard-to-get yourself (I don’t think you get to sleep with me just because we both like Coldplay!) - that’s even more powerful.

Turn up the Heat

All you need now is the transition to PHYSICAL connection.  Ah, that’s always a great place to trip yourself up, isn’t it?

Well, fear not.  Just read on.

Derek Vitalio

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dating, pua 10:16 pm

Why Develop a Showcase Skill

Showcase skills

Many men like to have different tricks and skills to impress women.  That’s great, but it needs to come from a REAL place inside of you.  Don’t brag about it – just let it become a natural part of your being.  And the women will love you for it.

Major Steps in Improving Yourself

Let’s take a moment now – before we get into the REAL nitty-gritty – to talk a bit about some self-improvement that will help you in a MAJOR way when dealing with the opposite sex (or same sex, if you like – I don’t care, and it’ll work either way).

You need to develop a showcase skill.  Seriously.  This is HUGE.

And it’s far from an overnight thing.  In fact, if you dedicate yourself to this in a major way, it’ll be around half a year before you have anything worth crowing about.

But it’s worth it.  In fact, this goes way beyond the dating scene and will help out your whole being in basically every facet of life.  We’re talking huge a huge increase in your social value.  Troubles polishing the confidence?  This’ll do it.  Running out of interesting topics by your fourth date?  You’ll always have this nuke.  Having lots of fun with a string of ladies, but hunkering for something more meaningful?  Here’s the key.

DON’T SHOW OFF

We’ll talk more about why this is such a good thing in a bit, but first, some warnings.  You do NOT want to show off.  You DON’T want to bring all conversations ‘round to this.  In fact, you don’t want to mention it at all.

Listen, relaxed confidence – as we’ve discussed ad nauseum – is HUGE when dealing with women, and probably the most important ingredient in any successful approach.  But there’s a fine line you tread here – and going from confident to cocky can be a BIG error.

We humans aren’t dumb.  And one thing most people learn over the years – especially hot women who get an unasked for doctorate in male psychology – is that people often overplay their weaknesses.

It’s a classic defense system.  A person is deficient in some area, so they try to talk themselves up.  If a guy can’t stop bragging about how many women he’s bagged, it either means he’s telling the truth – and every man hates him for it – or, more likely, he’s a virgin (or close to it).

You probably know this intuitively if not consciously, and when you think about it a little bit, it helps explain all sorts of odd behavior we encounter over the years.  I mean, how many times do we need to see our insanely micromanaging colleague with the screwed up personal life before we make this connection?  And I don’t mean see it in one person in an isolated instance – I mean seeing it in MOST of the misplaced frustration of EVERYONE we encounter.

Psychology calls it projection.

It’s corollary is false boasting.  And when you cross the line between being confident and being boaster, people start to question why you have to talk yourself up so much.  Hence, your social value decreases.  Somewhere in their brain your brags begin to sound like insecurity.  Watch any teen flick and you’ll see this pattern play out over and over again.

DON’T SHOW OFF, but also DON’T BE WEAK

Ok, great, now we’re directly stating that you want to avoid showing OFF at all costs, but you want to keep that confidence and a certain AIR of cockiness around.  So what do we do?

Of course, your first line of defense is being playful.  If you can make any brag into a bit of comedy, you avoid most of the pitfalls.  Like if I hear a date say something about how gorgeous a man is – say, Brad Pitt – I’ll usually retort, “Yeah, he’s pretty good looking.  Not as handsome as ME, of course, but not bad – for an actor.”

See what I just did?  Here’s a hint: I mixed my signals.

While I was talking about how great I am, I also inserted a little self-deprecation.  I mean, demeaning a Hollywood stud’s looks in comparison to just about ANYONE is funny because it’s ridiculous.  If I looked like Brad Pitt, I’D be getting $20 mil per flick.  It’s a JOKE.

But at the same time, I don’t back down.  I don’t act threatened, and I don’t raise a guard.  In short, I look COOL.

This is VERY powerful – because it short-circuits or passes many insecurity tests that will be thrown your way.

Depth and Conviction

But at the same time, you don’t want to JUST be witty.  Believe it or not, that gets old.  Faster than you think.

If you want to have any relationship beyond a fling at any point, you’re going to need some SUBSTANCE.

At heart, a person without interests isn’t interesting.  And that’s where your showcase skill comes in.

Again – and I can’t stress this enough – DON’T TALK ABOUT IT.  Whatever it is, the subject will eventually come up naturally.  Force it, and you stray into show-off territory.

Let it arise passively, and you look legit.  After all, if you’re SO confident that you don’t NEED to talk about it, then the talent must be real.

Genius, not I

Alright, I know plenty of you are thinking something like “Yeah, if you play guitar like Hendrix, but I’m an ordinary dude.”  Think again.

You don’t need to be extraordinary.  Hell, you don’t even need to be that good.  What you NEED is the proof of dedication to something not directly related to scoring.

Even if that’s what you’re really after.

Why?  Suddenly you become a three-dimensional person.  You take yourself straight out of any possible sleazy category and become a more complete human.

Plus, the confidence from knowing that you’re operating at something close to full potential at something is like the aphrodisiac chemists have wet dreams about.

Because most insecurity is, at root, the belief that we could be doing better.

Think about that a little bit.  It’s a deeper statement than most.

So pick something.  Anything.  It doesn’t matter what – ok, going on about your Star Trek Club rank might be too dweeby, but MOST anything will work fine.

As long as you have interest in it and you pursue it with PASSION, that passion gets communicated.  You become a hot-blooded latin lover when the topic arises.  You defeat any fears the woman might have that you are some one-dimensional pickup machine, and you get sexier in the process.

Getting Involved

Your homework for this?  Simple.  Figure out what you love.  If you already know, great, keep at it and don’t SHOW OFF, but at the same time don’t be shy.  Let it be a natural extension of yourself that will come out whenever it’s appropriate.

If you don’t know, spend a little time getting a grip on it.  Apply some double-think – you shouldn’t do it JUST to get women (although it will help you tremendously), but you should do it because you LOVE it.

Develop the passions in yourself, and you’ll develop your pheromone appeal in the process.

Some guys like to get into magic because it’s a great ice-breaker in social situations and in general is a wonderful social skill.  But if you think it’s silly, DON’T DO IT.  You’ll come off plastic.  Better to find something you genuinely believe in.

In short, do this for YOU and your own convictions.  The women will follow.

Derek Vitalio

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seduction, dating, pua, pick up artistMarch 19, 2008 3:39 pm

Approach Seduction Like Job Hunting

I have developed a theory on seducing girls that has been very efective lately.

Its Approaching Seduction as if you were to get a job.

You see this are very similar things. In the way that there is a screening process and a relation that you are building.

A lot of people dont even aspire to certain types of jobs just as many people dont even try to seduce certain types of chicks.

It Human Psychology at its finest.

for example i dont go searching for a job that im currently qualified for. I search for the Job I WANT.

Hows that you say?. Well if i really like a job and it requires 3 years experience in certain field. Guess what, now i hace 3 years experience on that field!

If it requires a masters degree well then i have a masters degree too!. I Basically convert myself in the person that they are looking for.

The same with women. Theres a catch tough, Only get into what you know you can handle. I.E if you are a salesman and want a manager position in your field(you are not going to say you are a doctor or astronaut smart ass

The whole purposse of this is to BECOME what the recruiter/chick Wants, rather than just trying all sorts of gizmos on her so she becomes attracted to you.

So there you have it, are you up to get the JOB DONE!?
Hope you liked this view of seduction!

By the way this works for a quick lay but not much for building multiple friend fucks unless you mantaing traits of your personality.

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seduction, dating, pua, pick up artist 3:34 pm

Why Does Women Create Drama?

If there’s one thing that’s all but universal when it comes to chicks and relationships, it’s drama. I don’t know a single guy, including myself, who’s ever had a drama-free relationship. You can mediate it and lessen it with relationship management skills, but it’s always there, bubbling under the surface and bursting forth every now and then. A lot of guys in the pickup community think that women LIKE drama, and that’s why they create it.

But the fact is, women aren’t men. They don’t sit there thinking, "Hmm, what can I do for fun today? I’m kinda bored. I know, I’ll create some drama!" Drama is, rather, a natural result of the relationship frame. You see, whether her man is an über-dominant alpha male or a passive pushover, he is still HER man, and until she leaves him completely, she looks to him to provide what she wants and needs from the relationship. And there is ALWAYS something she wants or needs that she isn’t getting – hence, drama.

I tend to think of romantic relationships as similar to parent-child relationships. Both love each other, and share many of the same, mutual goals. But both parties do tend to have a few conflicting goals. When the parent doesn’t get what he wants, he imposes punishments of various kinds to remind his daughter who is in charge and who needs to be respected. When the child doesn’t get what she wants, she pouts and complains and whines because she cannot FORCE her father to give her what she wants, and this is the next best way to do it – she has to hope he will give in – in effect though, she is still recognizing his power over her, because all she can do is HOPE that he will give in. He is the one who actually does or doesn’t. In a relationship, the man is like the father, and the woman is like the daughter. Even if he is weak, the man is still the man, and he holds the reins of the relationship.

So what do women want from men? It varies. Here are some typical kinds of men and what women want from them:

• Secure, dominant male. Almost all of the woman’s needs are met, and she respects his authority because he is consistent and just in his approach to her and the relationship. Her needs are met and she knows what to expect from him. Drama is least frequent in this kind of relationship, and is reserved only for extreme situations when she feels desperate for something (like marriage, children, or exclusivity). These are the men women refer to as “great guys” and are fairly rare in general.

• Insecure, dominant male. The woman’s needs for a strong man are met, and this provides a lot of value to her. His mistreatment of her makes her feel bad and confused ("Why does he treat me this way?"), so she gives him drama in the form of taking out pent up hurt feelings or asking him why he treats her so bad. What she wants from him is to remain dominant, yet treat her better. The trait that detracts from his value and incites drama here is his insecurity: secure males don’t put negativity on others regularly, so he is displaying his insecurities via his mistreatment of her.

• Secure, non - dominant male. The woman knows he’s a great catch, and may be on the road to becoming the secure, dominant male someday. Basically, he’s a guy with "potential". He lacks relationship experience however, and what she wants from him is for him to step up, be a man, and lead. She will give him drama until he becomes more dominant and assertive. The trait that detracts from his value and incites drama in this instance is his non-dominance: it makes him seem less experienced, less strong/manly, and somewhat less desirable because of it.

• Insecure, non - dominant male. The worst kind, comes in two flavors: jerks and nice guys. Both guys often have a lot of love-hate for women and feel bitter towards them (though not always). Jerks treat women like trash, but in a weak way. Passive aggressive-ism is common here. Nice guys are just way too nice, and let women get away with anything. What women want from both of these guys is to man up, LEAD, and treat them like human beings and not enemies or goddess-princesses. Women get very frustrated, very quick with these guys, and they will give tons and tons of drama to them, hoping that the man will put them in their place in a kind, fair way (though he hardly ever does). Sadly, a large number of men fall into this category.

Anyway, that’s a quick rundown. Basically, if she’s giving you drama, it’s almost always because she’s found a chink in your armor. She’s found somewhere that you aren’t being a secure, dominant male and she wants you to fix it. Just as little kids will whine and complain to get what they want if they sense you will give in to them or if you aren’t being fair (if you become inconsistent and/or deviate from precedence).

Note that you can usually expect drama early in a relationship as a girl feels you out, unless you make it totally abundantly clear from the outset what the relationship will be like and what your expectations for her are. It’s a natural process, as she discovers over a few months that you are different from the other guys she’s dated, and cements that impression of you into her brain.

Of course, women are fascinated by drama too. Stories about drama always satisfying their need for gossip and intrigue quite nicely - it allows them to find out more about their peer group. The flavor of drama a man gets from a woman, and how he deals with it, says a lot about the man - moreso about the man receiving the drama than the woman giving the drama, usually. Thus, having such stories relayed to them gives the female listeners an edge in calculating everyone’s (especially the males’) social ranking and value.

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seduction, dating, pua, pick up artist 3:27 pm

Are You Open Regarding Pick Up?

Let’s have a discussion.

Here is a fictional conversation:

"What do you do?"
"I play hockey."
"I’m in a band."
"I’m a paramedic."
…"I study, practice, teach, and write articles on self improvement, with the ultimate goal of attracting and seducing beautiful women."

In my early days about two years go, I told a few of my friends about this site. I’ve had mixed reactions from friends about masf. Most showed slight interest, had a look, and then dropped it. I don’t hang with many of those friends these days.

I recently spoke on the phone to an old buddy, his girl cheated on him, he was hurt, and so I guided him to masf and explained some basic theory and philosophy. Skeptical at first, he listened to my experiences, acknowledged the truth and opened up to learning. I ended up giving him a seminar, and now he’s studying himself. He calls me his guru…haha, no, I am no guru. But a good teacher.

Many guys are in bands, players in sports teams, gaming clubs, gyms, etc. But for those that dedicate long hours to perfecting game, they tend to ostracize themselves from the majority of people with "normal" lifestyles. That is why we gravitate towards Lairs, and forums, so we might share our experiences, frustrations and joys, with the like minded.

True, it is not healthy to focus on only one aspect of life, but for those of you that have good pu skill, or maybe great skill, don’t you wish you could tell people about it? Those of you that spend all of your time focusing on the science of social dynamics, do you find yourself becoming alienated from anyone who is not good with women?

My question to you is, how open are you about this community and knowledge. How do you explain it to friends, and how have they reacted. How has it impacted your life? Let us share experiences, based on our varying levels of dedication to the craft.

"I took a woman for Zardoz." Sean Connery

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